I had a conversation with a friend the other day that left me feeling quite perplexed. I felt insulted, semi-rejected, and my ego was put to the test. But once the initial shock of being treated in this way by my friend had abated somewhat, I realized I was being taught a valuable lesson on life and priorities that I hadn’t expected to learn in quite this way, at the age of 37.
This is how it happened.
I was on my afternoon walk, during which time I usually do my daily blogging on the phone. I noticed a truck stop, and inside was this old friend – let’s call him Nathan – who I have always had a high regard for. I don’t meet Nathan very often, but I know him as an erudite, intelligent man of deep Christian principles, and I was happy to say hello and set up to meet him again within the next few days for a chat and a coffee.
Now, I usually like to prepare myself before I go to meet someone and make a mental note of what I’m going to say. I hadn’t seen Nathan in 3 years, and a lot must have changed in both our lives. So what could we talk about that would seem relevant and interesting?
I decided business was a safe topic. He would surely be interested in the many wins and challenges in my business life. I was excited at this chance to pick Nathan’s brains as well, because as two men who are fully and truly invested in the teachings of the Bible, any words of advice he had would certainly resonate with me.
Alas, it didn’t go that way.
The first 45 minutes of the conversation took place just as I had planned. I talked about my new company, the expansion plans we were working on, the things I had done wrong, the things I had done right… I was so caught up in the drama of my own story that it was a full 45 minutes before I realized Nate had totally lost interest. Here I was, totally engrossed in every minute of my own retelling, and the man did not care.
Even worse? I did not realize how out of sync we were until he actually stopped me. Yes, he raised his hand and cut me off mid-sentence when he couldn’t stand my monologue anymore. I felt his rejection like he had slapped me across the face. He had put me in a socially awkward position, and I couldn’t think of a single dignified response to save face with.
Nathan is a no-nonsense sort of guy, and if he cares for you, he will not sugarcoat honesty, just to protect your feelings. He will give it to you straight. And that’s exactly what he did with me.
While I sat there, feeling pained and perplexed by what had just happened, he showed me his right hand and said there’s a lot we can learn from our own five fingers. All unequal, with different strengths and uses, just like the five main priorities in a human’s life:
1) Thumb
• The thumb, when applied to life, is the spiritual influence of God. It is known as an `opposable’ thumb because it is the only digit in our hand that can move around, touch other fingers and help us grasp things. Humans have the ability to move their thumb farther across their hand than any other primate because we are the only species that God has chosen as His messengers on earth. Even Sir Isaac Newton said, “In the absence of any other proof, the thumb alone would convince me of God’s existence.”
2) Index Finger
• The index finger represents our own self. Who we are as individuals and how we choose to value our own worthiness. How we take care of our minds, bodies and soul. From a neuromuscular point of view, the index finger is stronger than the other three because it works with the thumb – with God – to write anything, to draw anything, to create anything, to build anything. Unless the index finger is working in tandem with the thumb, and we humans are allowing ourselves to be supported by the Divine Being, nothing of any worth can ever be achieved.
3) Middle Finger
• The middle finger sits in the center and is the longest, representing relationships. Principally, wife, children and family. While the index finger works very well on its own with the thumb, its power is significantly less without the support of the family – the second finger.
4) Ring Finger
• The ring finger represents the tasks and chores that make up our daily lives.
5) Little Finger
• The little finger – the pinkie – symbolizes our jobs, our businesses, our need to make money and be financially secure.
I found myself listening to this simple system of organizing priorities in our lives with the marvelous amazement of a five-year-old. It made so much sense, and in Nathan’s raised hand, I could see just where I was going so horribly wrong. And why he was doing this `intervention’ with me.
I had met Nathan after 3 long years. And instead of talking about our mutual interests, our ministry work, our families and our personal development, all I wanted to do was talk about pinkie-finger level priorities. The least important thing that ought to define us as humans.
How interesting it is that in our pride and ignorance, we want to talk about pinkie-finger priorities all the time. We stress and worry over pinkie-finger issues. We define happiness and contentment with what’s going on with the least important finger in the hand of life. And we ignore the bigger, better digits that actually make us who we are.
Long story short, we continued our conversation for the next hour and a half. We talked personally, deeply about our families, marriages and relationship with God. He told me the highlight of our chat was when I told him that I was coaching my daughter’s soccer team and how much my face lit up when I mentioned it.
The lesson of the five fingers is constantly with me today. When in doubt, I am looking at my own hand, and knowing when I am overinvesting myself in less-important life events. This simple way of matching the cause of my stress with a finger is helping me let go of superfluous distractions and keep my focus on the important stuff.
Because, as long as my God, my self and my family are in harmony, and my thumb, index and middle finger are working in unison, the smaller fingers — and smaller concerns — have no choice but to follow in the same direction of a harmonious, joyous existence…
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